If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
