plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
try to milk me bitch
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
