i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
