This girl is more easily done than said...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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