She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
