I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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