I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
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I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
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We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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