Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
