I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
