Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
