sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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