We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
