I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
