i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
