Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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