Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
