He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
