you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
