just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
