so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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