so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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