I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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