I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
