I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
