Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
