it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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