He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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