the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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