his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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