My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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