So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
