NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
