I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
