i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Text me some of your sweat
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
