If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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