please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
