Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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