she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
