mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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