Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
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quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I just want nice things and good sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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