based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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