nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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