shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
