My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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