im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
