I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
