bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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