Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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