I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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