anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
