just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
