i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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