textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
