This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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