accomplished twins. life is a go
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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