I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
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she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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