i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
