Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why are your pants in the freezer?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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