the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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